The Art of Letting Go

Me: Don’t you wanna know how many people I’ve slept with?

Him: … for what?

Me: So you can know about my past..

Him: Are you sleeping with the people you’ve previously had sex with now?

Me: No..

Him: Would you like me to define you by the number of people you’ve had sex with?

Me: No…

Him: Well, to be honest, I really don’t care about how many people you’ve slept with before me. Whether it was a little or a lot, it still brought you right here. Without each and every one of those experiences I wouldn’t have who is standing before me now. If you want to tell me that’s fine, but think about why you want me to know, because whether you tell me or not it really doesn’t matter.

I did think about why I wanted to tell him. Why did I want him to know? Was there a message with telling him my body count? Was I trying to justify myself, prove myself, contradict myself, sabotage myself? What I realized is I was trying to say something that actually had nothing to do with my number. Instead it was about picking apart past decisions and making them relevant in my present. Why was I doing that though? I’m not the same person as when I owned my V-card. Hell, I’m not the same person I was in 2013 and that was only 4 months ago. Why is it that we try to make past experiences today’s issues? Why do we allow ourselves to press repeat on a punishment we’ve already endured? It’s interesting how often we bring up the past as if it has the right to be important again. Holding on to what is already done weighs us down, eats at us. You can find yourself reliving previous experiences all the way up until you’ve added in new shit. It begins to hold more significance than it had ever intended to. Letting go of the past allows you to feel the future with much more power and vitality. It allows you to see yourself for who you are today. It allows you to breathe  full and deep without suffocating in your own made-up despair.  The reason you did what you did back then is because you needed that then and now you need something different. The art is not mixing the two ;-) 

Don't Try to Attract Everyone

Don’t worry about attracting everyone. Everyone isn’t meant to get and understand you. Everyone is not in the place to see your greatness. Don’t get flustered when someone overlooks you. Don’t be bothered when you meet someone who can’t see how magnificent you truly are. Don’t worry about the times you’ve put yourself out there and didn’t get all the attention you were hoping for. It’s less about the number of people who are aware of you and more about the quality of people drawn to you.  Those who recognize the greatness in you will understand you each time. You won’t have to beg for time, scream to be heard, bribe to be acknowledged by someone who has interest in you, because they will be paying attention. It is understandable to desire being liked and seen by everyone. Why shouldn’t everyone see how awesome you are? Why shouldn’t you make it known? Thinking this way allows energy to exert itself in vain--- towards people and situations that won’t return the matched effort. Instead, allow yourself to embrace what easily attracts to you no matter the quantity. Whether you’re growing a business, putting out your music, or simply expressing yourself, feel good about whomever you reached and gravitated towards you. Let your light shine and allow your rays to warm the heart of those patiently waiting in the shade.

Why is It hard To function In a Conformed life?

Tears rush to my eyes as I try so hard to hold them back. Today was hard, harder than I expected. I struggled to stay afloat in my thoughts. I tried to respond to emails but couldn’t finish a sentence. I tried to send off an order but couldn’t remember the next step. Why is it getting harder to function? Can’t I keep steadfast a little while longer until the time is right? When will it be right? I begin to realize the closer I get to my purpose, my desires, my ideal life, the harder it is to maintain options that don’t fit within it. I feel caged within these walls even though I can walk out any minute. No one has me at gun point. I’m not paralyzed or have amnesia. I walk in willingly every day at 7:30 am and freely walkout at 4:30 pm. So what exactly is holding me here? I take a step back to look at my whole life instead of only what’s in my heart. I have a family member who’s partially dependent on me, I have a car note, a cell phone, a credit card, student loans, a trip next month, a business I’m building. Ding, ding, ding, that’s right....... I have responsibilities. Without a car how will I get to my clients, without a phone how will people reach me, without savings how can I invest in my business, without spending money how can I spend time with the ones I love? But mostly, and this truly is the most important, if I leave now, where will someone find inspiration in my path to fulfillment? My journey will inspire someone I have not yet met or may not ever meet to pursue their own dreams. My story will give someone the strength to persevere. My story will ignite someone to secretly plan their unique escape route from conformed living into actual living. In remembering that, I have found appreciation for the emotional and mental challenge that lies before me. Sometimes our focus is fixated inwards, and it’s difficult to see the connection our life plays on those around us. Ignore fear, have faith, believe, keep moving forward and you will reach your desire. But don't forget to bring patience and gratitude to keep you focused on the larger picture. For we all have a special purpose we must fulfill before we leave this Earth, but the journey to get there is a painting in the making.