When the Time Comes (because it will) Be Couragous

Courage is the most important of all the virtues; for without it you can’t practice any of the others consistently--- Maya Angelou

There are many times courage needs to be expressed by your truest self. When you want to tell the one you love, that you now doubt the relationship’s survival, that takes courage. When you tell a family member to stop talking to you in a way that makes you feel small and disrespected, that takes courage. When you say out loud, ‘I am pursuing my dream no matter what anyone else has to say about it!’ That takes courage.  Courage is needed to declare what is best for you. It is used to give yourself what you yearn for. Yet, we are taught to consider someone else’s needs before we consider our own. We are taught to weigh the feelings of others higher than our own feelings. In doing this, we expect our feelings will be equally considered and honored by the other person in that moment and moments to come. 

Instead, what do we learn time after time? People are satisfied once their opinions are acknowledged and feel it unnecessary to ask how you feel about the situation. This is not wrong nor should these people be blamed.  One must learn to express their feelings in order for them to be acknowledged. It is like being upset at your boyfriend/girlfriend all day long, but refusing to tell them. Then we become even more furious for him/her not saying anything about the thing they don’t know you are upset about.  …………….That is pretty much how ridiculous it is to acknowledge someone else’s needs, desires, and feelings before your own. 

It takes courage to express compassion, commitment, honesty, and disappointment. Without the courage to do these things we are stuck—stuck in our ways, stuck in our life, stuck somewhere we really do not want to be. In turn, our authentic selves hate us for it. We wish we just said what was on our mind instead of stand silent. We punish ourselves for not going through with what we wanted in the first place due to doubt of it not working out. Time and time again, the would’ves and should’ves pile up like a mental dirty pile of laundry, it’s a constant reminder every time we take the chance to go somewhere new, try something different---- walk out the door. 

Luckily we can increase the amount of courage in our daily lives by asking this one simple question: 

                                                               Does this fit with me?

 If yes, then it’s easy to know what to do. If no, then that is where you find the opportunity to use courage. What you do after that will determine the kind of person you become. It will give you a chance to do the things that address your wants and needs. It will give the life you have in mind for yourself an opportunity to transcend. Don’t underestimate small occurrences to stand-up for yourself--- even if it is to yourself. Courage leads to more courage and allows you to embrace what it is to FEEL and BE courageous. When more opportunities come --- the BIG ones, because they will come ---- where you need to be strong enough to speak, determined enough to act and confident in what you want, it won’t be hard to know what’s the right thing to do, because by then you'll already know.

Friendships are Unnecessary, Like Philosophy... Like Art

~~At first it seemed like the two of them had a lot in common. They shared the same interests---cheer leading, dancing, boys, Lifetime, school, clothes, boys. But what drew them in were the secrets they held so tightly; the ones no one knew about. Undisclosed realities that only had a purpose in their alternate lives. Secrets that were easy to keep from others until they met each other. ~~

The beginning of a friendship between best friends usually starts different from all the others. There’s something unique that happens. The foundation is made of concrete, thorns, seashells and glitter---the basis of the bond is unexplainable.

~~There was nothing they didn’t go through hand-in-hand. You think you're pregnant? Which test, First Response or Equate? You and your mom just fought? You can stay with me. Is someone trying to fight you? Hold on, let me put my things down. Fights between these two were few and far between, but each fight had pulled them closer than before. Eventually, distance due to college took a toll on the friendship, but whenever there were home visits, nothing had really changed.~~

Because of history, family ties, mutual friendships, it is easier to avoid or dismiss ill feelings. It is easier to give an excuse for people called friends. For the thought of them not being there is hard to conceive. Sometimes it’s easier to place blame on yourself for being the problem, the one out of whack, the one being difficult, just so the other person can stay as dear to you as the day you met.

~~As one grows so does the other. Boyfriends come and go. Jobs are gained and lost. Residents change. New cars are bought. As their life propels forward, their friendship does not. It is hard for them to make time for each other. Uncomfortable feelings arise when phone calls aren’t returned or promises aren’t kept. One starts to feel like she can’t talk to the other, at least not the way she used to. Automatically she blames herself for not being as agreeable or available as she could. She beats herself up for not always saying or doing the right thing. The truth was they were no longer best friends, but she didn’t want to admit it. She’d rather have things a complete mess than to believe that. She fought with that reality over and over until she was left hurt, embarrassed, confused, offended, resentful and eventually numb. ~~

No matter how hard you try to overlook it, the truth always reveals itself even if it has to knock you out to do it. Accepting the right to feel the way you do without diminishing your emotions for others is what allows a friendship to grow and blossom.

~~Eventually admitting that she was just a bad friend had to said. There it was. Something that simple took nearly a year to admit.  Although it wasn’t always like that, it had been a long time since she was what a friend should be. You talk about being bridesmaids and your children being best friends for so long, you lose sight of what friendship truly is: loving, understanding, considerate, honest, encouraging, supportive, and accepting of who you are. Embracing that certain friendships aren’t meant to last forever has brought the kind of connections that are effortless, enjoyable, authentic and comforting. Each and every relationship we build is for growth. Once we’re no longer growing that friend's immediate presence is no longer needed. We are meant to change and flourish...nothing in our world is meant to stay the same, especially pain. ~~